The ESDM’s parent guide discusses how to deal with extended family if they are being a hindrance and the importance of extended family if they are being helpful. The more that your extended family joins in, supports your family, encourages you, provides optimism, and share the challenges of a newfound diagnosis, the better the adjustment process. It really does take a village. However, it is important to try and remember that extended family members go through similar emotional processes that parents do (e.g. grief, denial etc.) and they may at times be a bit of a hindrance.

Extended family members can be helpful if they are:

there for you
supporting your concerns
aware of the evaluation/assessment process
sharing emotions that can occur after a diagnosis
providing comfort, reassurance and support

If this is the case you can:

provide them will all the information they want and you have
let them help you, your child and your family
let them join in (e.g. attend therapy sessions, IEP meetings etc.)

Extended family members can feel like a hindrance if they:

deny your observations
tell you that “you worry too much” or that your expectations are “too high”
make statements like “Auntie Joe didn’t talk until she was 3.5!” or “Boys just don’t talk until later.”
tell you that you spoil your child or do “too much” for them

If this is the case try the following:

Have trust in yourself and your partner. Parents are the expert of their children. Make the decisions you feel are right for your child and your family. This may result in a little distancing from your family for the time-being but it is important to trust your instincts. You can still inform them of the assessment processes and any changes that occur, but continue to move forward following your parental instincts.
Turn to other people in your support system. Reach out to understanding friends and others who are willing to offer support in what can feel like a very lonely time.
Have others talk to extended family members. When service providers or others offer help - take it! People such as service coordinators, a parent from an advocacy group, or a therapist (e.g. OT, SLP) can be a great option for relaying information to extended family members.
Continue. Keep moving forward with doing what is best for your family and your child. Your extended family will eventually accept the diagnosis and support you. Until then, provide them with information they want (e.g. assessment reports, treatment plans, worksheets) and share with them therapy activities that they can begin doing with your child if they are babysitting.

Remember that it is okay to limit time with anyone who is not supportive of your family and your child’s special needs.

Check out my article “You’re Taking Care of Them - Who’s Taking Care of You?” on the importance of self-care for parents and my article “What About Your Other Children?” on tips to reduce the common parent guilt for not providing enough attention for typically developing siblings.

Find the ESDM parent guide on amazon.ca by clicking here and amazon.com by clicking here.

-Shannon

Disclosure: Some of the links on this page are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I may earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. Affiliate commissions help fund blogs like this one.

References

Rogers, S. J., Dawson, G., & Vismara, L.A. (2012). An early start for your child with autism:

Using everyday activities to help kids connect, communicate, and learn. New York: The Guilford Press.